Many claim that they want a truly present man. A man who is in tune emotionally, spiritually and telepathically with them, who sees them in places unseen and touches them in places untouched. 

I also have wanted this and after having now lived 4 and a half years with the experience of it,  would like to share the fantasy of this vs the reality from my own gnosis and lived experience. 

I probably have lived and been the definition of a “wounded healer”. My wounds upon entering Union were cavernous and my father wound was profound. I had just lived through an extraterrestrial/otherworldly experience of darkness and initiation around a previous “spiritual” connection I felt to someone, as well as the 5 years of mental and emotional detestation I went through trying to comprehend what it was and why it was regardless of the absolute dysfunction and resulting mayhem and consequences in my life that came from entangling myself with it. 

I could not seem to overcome it nor detach myself from it until my real person came in. 

When I met Aeleo, I had a year previously had my Christ awakening, and my Guides had begun talking to me about the importance of the Cosmic Christ and how it relates to True Divine Union and not false unions that are loosh harvesting/torture devices created by reptilians for their own benefit and what amuses them. I was beginning to understand that whatever I was in was not the real thing and that I had, through my own innocence and uninitiated self, not been able to sever myself from. 

The Christ Awakening began shedding light on tears of confusion I was entangled with and I felt myself inexplicably drawing closer to safety, groundedness and ideas of devotion and what actual Christed love reflects in one’s life. I knew that whatever that was, it was not what I was trying to force through this imposter union experience. In between the time I ended the false one once and for all and began devoting myself to Union with Christ, I still had a soul pull back to the cycle of darkness with the false one many times and I had to find a lot of inner strength to trust that I would experience real love and Union at some point. 

Meeting Aeleo is a long story that I love to tell, but as I have told it so many times I won’t write it here. I will say that I was given 2 main instructions around ways I could support my own Union Timeline. Those two things were building the Magenta Grid of the True Christ Masculine in the Mojave Desert to override the static fallen angelic twin flame grid that was over there. Then, after building the grid with God’s help with magenta crystals and light, I was told to merge with Christ on the grid. I did both things and within 1 week, Aeleo came into my life and magnetized to me, like destiny. I was also shown by Christ that Union isn’t about how much work you do on yourself, as God’s love loves us where we are now, not when we are perfect. So the things I was shown to do were simply helpful, and not ways I worked to get my Union or anything. 

The series of events that led to it were interesting to say the least. I am positive I knew he was it even though I would not dare admit it to myself fully in the first month until one night, he said it and then I admitted I knew too. 

I can say that the level of kundalini, excitement and cloud 9 I was on was truly out of this realm, every fantasy, idea and dream I had about true love was coming true. However…

Everything changed when I was hit with an actual embodied present man in the physical

I had no idea that my fantasy would come crashing down and I would be faced with what I had been running from my whole life. The start of my triggers was when I noticed we weren’t having the kind of sex that the honeymoon phase of a relationship was supposed to. I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t obsessed with having sex like I was and wanted to. Don’t get me wrong, we were sexual but something felt off. I confronted him about this and his response shocked me. He said, “You’re telling me you want sex with your words, but your body is telling me something different.”

I was kind of stunned because first of all, I felt the truth in that moment and I was not used to anyone caring about what I actually felt, let alone being so in tune with it when I wasn’t even in tune with it myself. One of my biggest wounds was being used or being exploited for my womb/energetic resources since that’s what I allowed to happen against my entire body screaming no for 5 years with the reptilian interface/false twin. My body truly didn’t want sex nor was it ready or trusting and feeling safe enough for sex all the time so soon. He felt this and said it. Now, you would think I would have been vulnerable, started crying and been amazed at how much he cared but no, I got angry at him and started a fight. I look back at it and feel sad for myself. I can’t believe I didn’t melt since it was so deep and so intimate for him to see that and care so much and not just have sex with me for his own satisfaction. I got angry because I was embarrassed and ashamed of how imperfect I was and how he so blatantly pointed it out. That I was actually so hurt, so wounded, so far from fresh, unbroken, ready for deep union sex. 

I was broken, terrified of being penetrated actually and trying to bypass that so that sex could make me feel better. He triggered a mountain of unprocessed emotion and I just felt angry. 

This cycle of my anger and him reflecting something back to me exactly like that would continue for 4 years…. leading to blow-up flights and so many opportunities to cry, to be vulnerable, to be seen. We did have many breakthroughs though, and I made a lot of progress as he is an amazing teacher, leader and unbelievably patient. But omg, I truly put this man through hell and he truly weathered the storm to love me. 4 and a half years back I begged God for a present man, but when I got it I was shocked at the reverberating signature of my rage around being seen, vulnerable and then the potential of being hurt or left again. He literally married me in this time to help me feel safe – he did everything he could. 

I had learned earlier in life to rely on anger and protect myself rather than cry because being vulnerable around my dad always had consequences of more emotional pain. It took 4 years for me to break this pattern and allow myself to soften, open, look at what’s being reflected and own it regardless of the embarrassment I felt as Aeleo has always reassured me that he will not use it against me, and he never has. 

It’s interesting, I know that many women may be actually ready for this level of presence and appreciate it so deeply. I can’t believe how I connected my own pain to weakness. How much I fought God’s love and redemption in my life from the love of a man who truly holds the Christed Flame. When that Christed Flame started to burn away all the hurt, I wanted to hold onto that hurt for protection, building walls to keep the love out. Thinking that if I was truly seen, what was seen would not be able to be loved. 

Now his presence on my wounds feels like ecstasy. Instead of rage boiling up inside of me, it’s like waves of intimate gnosis of one another, a one-ness in our hearts. Nothing to fear.

PS: If this post resonated with you I invite you to join the conversation and leave a comment below.