Someone asks you to do something or for something…

For whatever reason, your gut says no, your intuition kicks in and subtly tells you, “that doesn’t feel aligned”, or “no, you’re too tired, please prioritize your rest” or “no, I don’t trust that person.” 

You feel this feeling but decide to bypass it out of guilt, obligation or a feeling that if you say no you will have to feel the tension of that person’s disappointment so you fake being nice and say yes even though deep down you kind of start dreading whatever it is you’ve agreed to.

You do the thing you agreed to even though you didn’t want to and then, something happens that makes you start to regret the yes…

A violation, a red flag or something uncomfortable or disrespectful. Maybe even something that pulls you into a drama you don’t want anything to do with. 

Then, you remember your intuition told you not to say yes, you did anyways and now you wonder why you don’t listen to your gut feeling when it always ends up being right in the end and is/was trying to protect you. 

Now, you feel drained, regretful, remorseful, resentful, hurt, angry and so on.  

What exactly is this scenario? 

It’s called Self-Abandonment and Reversal Empathy.

Why does it happen? 

It happens for many reasons but mainly because 1) you’re afraid of tension and 2) you seek validation from others.

So how does this scenario harm you? 

I’m going to explain how incredibly this way of living harms because not only is it the difference between living a life of hell or heaven but it’s also the single most life-changing thing to get this!

From here, everything else aligns so understand that this is a miraculous shift we’re being invited into!

Tension is not only a beautiful thing but is actually polarity in a relationship. 

I can’t imagine if every time I was triggered my boyfriend walked on eggshells and tried to please me in order to avoid me feeling tension because he’s standing in what he truly feels and I’m mad about it. 

My boyfriend taught me tension is okay; it’s okay to say no and feel someone not like it. THAT is the difference between their shit and your shit – them not liking the no is their shit and separate from you. 

Many people don’t even know where they end and others begin because they don’t live within their own core frame and core self. Instead, they live feeling their environment and others around them and then doing everything they can to avoid others feeling bad or feeling any form of tension. 

They fear that if others don’t get a yes at all times that they will not be liked and will feel uncomfortable knowing the other person is upset, therefore, they will go to great lengths to avoid feeling that others don’t like them. So in their mind, no or any form of strong boundary feels so uncomfortable because they literally live for others’ comfort rather than their own. 

When we do this, we begin merging with our environment and others to the point where everything is about the other and the self is lost, and then the self is not doing okay at all.

Self-abandonment is learned when when become reliant on someone else’s approval in terms of survival

Growing up, if a parent or someone close to us starts picking us apart, punishing, judging,  disapproving or making it clear that aspects of us are not allowed or met with strong resistance we start living for their approval instead of building our own sense of self. It’s a survival mechanism – we become reliant on their approval in order to not suffer the punishment of having a strong sense of self. 

As we grow up, we continue to compromise those parts of us that we feel are too powerful or intimidating because with approval and pleasing others we get a fleeting feeling that we are liked, good and worthy. This feeling never lasts because it’s not coming from our own soul energy taking up space in our body and directing our own emotional energy authentically into creating our life, but rather is built on the other and the external. In this state, we’re literally at the whims and emotional ups and downs of others and things around us. We try to manage reality while managing a mountain of suppressed pain within. 

This leads to self-compromising that weakens us and makes it so that living in our truth is too risky – we run the risk of people rejecting us and not liking us, we run the risk of feeling the tension when we say no, we run the risk of hurting people’s feelings, we run the risk of not getting the feeling of validation we are absolutely reliant on because we don’t have one on a foundational level. 

The risk we run is nothing compared to the price we pay for stifling our own authentic God-given purpose of living according to the truth and not according to a manipulation and lie.

People-pleasing is manipulative because we’re selling a false self in exchange for approval

This isn’t actually honoring and showing up in life in an honest way. Our highest timeline cannot actually express itself if our own core frame is being abandoned and rejected for the other. 

Between each person and God there is a responsibility to live honestly and not bypass our soul lessons or inhibit others from learning there’s by compromising so they don’t grow and we don’t grow. You can not live sustainably in this state without an eventual complete life/mind/self breakdown. You will become exhausted, drained, resentful, and collapsed. 

Living in your own internal compass and emotional guidance system (your own core frame/body) actually allows you to receive what is best in the moment for all, even if that is uncomfortable. It makes you way more magnetic to the right people and energy to live from this core frame frequency and it attracts all the wrong people to function from the compromise energy. 

Magnetism is aligned to what is real because honesty, mirroring and alignment occur while through deception, lessons and looping stagnant energies remain and feed as long as we allow it. 

It’s really one of the most fundamental things to understand to live a life where your cup is full, your energy is flowing, you’re magnetic, you’re not living in fear and shame, and you’re not attracting the mirror of the narcissist who shares the same wound as the empath. 

Since working on this, I’ve noticed the most energy I’ve ever had, and a fearlessness to say no and bypass looping timelines and lessons that I’ve already experienced too many times. I’ve noticed it’s created a magnetic field around me to opportunities and experiences that are exactly what my heart is really wanting. 

If you want to dive deeper into this topic, check out THIS VIDEO 

Love You All!

PS: If this post resonated with you I invite you to join the conversation and leave a comment below.